It must be acknowledged that playing the game of blaming is a universal issue. All people blaming each other for different things. In fact there is no anybody who has not blamed somebody in his life. Even those personality types that are not placed in blamer’s category have blamed many people for different things but blaming is not their dominant quality. They may blame others purposefully to achieve certain points but they do not blame others because of their own failures.
There are two kinds of blamers: those who do it deliberately in order to discredit somebody for a fault which may be his or not. These blamers are game players. They gain from blaming others. These are mostly in party politics when the leaders of different parties blame each other for different things even when they are not at fault. These are not losers. These are usually successful people who want to blame others and magnify their own achievements. The objective of blaming others is to show that the person cannot do things as well as they can do them. Party leaders always claim they can do things better than their rivals. They blame their rivals for being incompetent and even crooked. These kinds of blaming are political trading.
Those blamers who are losers are from a different kind and type. Blaming is part of their personality type. They do not gain any major things from blaming others. They cover their inadequacies. When somebody is inadequate in doing something he wants to cover it by blaming others. These blamers blame their friends, their families, their colleagues, their children, their parents and those who are close to them. They are not part of an organised setup. They blame others because they do not know how to respond to faulty situation. They indicate bad attitude because they are pessimists. They believe that those who managed to succeed did not succeed because of their own competence and skills but because of the help and support they have received from other sources illegally and immorally.
They always believe that there is a conspiracy against them and therefore their time is wasted in finding out how to discover the conspiracy against them and always can come with an acceptable conclusion for themselves. I have seen a lot of blamers. I know blamers who believe that everybody who has failed, failed not because of himself and his lack of skills or determination but because a lot of people caused his downfall. She believes that if somebody has succeeded, the success came not because of his competence but, because of his association with certain sources. She believes if somebody has become rich it is because he has stolen from the ordinary people. She thinks if her son failed to enter a university it was not because of the lack of sufficient knowledge but because the university officials turned them down just because they didn't like them. She always blames the successful ones for succeeding and she always supports failures because she thinks other people have caused their failures. There is a lot of cause for concern for her. She needs help and therapy and she needs to be guided through in life to reach a new understanding.
The most important thing for these kinds of blamers to understand is that it is possible to succeed without anybody's help. They need to understand that those who have succeeded in life have used a lot of energy and time in preparing different requirements of success. Success is for everybody who wants to have it. Success does not discriminate. Success is the product of achievements and when somebody manages to accomplish great things, he manages to succeed too. Blamers use blaming to fail themselves. Other people can stop you from succeeding but nobody can stop you from failing.
Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com
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