Most of the blamers are those people who have not succeeded to the appropriate level that they wish. They are mostly wishful thinkers that cannot transform the wish into well-formed-outcomes and goals and therefore, they hardly know what to do and if they know what to do, they hardly have the appropriate level of skills. Blamers have great imaginations. They can easily figure out the way of turning the facts and distorting the realities in a way that salvages their character or reputation. They believed if they accept the responsibility instead of blaming others or even blaming themselves, they will be dramatically undermined and degraded. They just cannot take the pain of degradation. They see a great level of relief in blaming others.
The way they perceive the mistakes or faults is either to blame themselves or to blame others. They have only two options. Instead of blaming themselves, they find it easier to blame others. If they learnt that there is another option and it is not blaming anybody but accepting the responsibility for correcting the situation and learning the skills, they would begin a new path in their life.
The reason that the blamers do not succeed as well as the ones who take the responsibilities is in the fact that they expect success without any failure, without any fault and without any mistake. They just can't bear the guilt of not being able to do things correctly. Blamers think that success comes very easily and without any failure. The history of all successful people indicates that they do a lot of mistakes before they get it right and succeed. The successful people take the blame gracefully and begin to find a way for avoiding it next time when they are blamed for their failures. The blamers think differently. They look for everybody who have been somehow involved or could have been involved in a scenario. If they can find somebody who had some involvement in the faulty action they immediately begin to blame that person. If they cannot find somebody easily to blame for their wrongdoing then they blame their parents, the circumstances, the governments, the systems and even bad luck.
If the blamers wish to succeed in anything they have to accept responsibility for whatever they do and what has happened in their lives and avoid blaming others. Blaming circumstances or parents would not resolve the problems of the blamers, in fact, it will increase their problems. Some of the blamers who have institutionalised blaming others have taken an attitude of transferring the blame for their own faults even when they get old. As they get older they increase the number of blaming others. If you sit down and talk with an old blamer you will realise that he has accumulated thousands of excuses for not being able to succeed and he has found hundreds of people to blame for his own failures.
Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com
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