Make it happen

Reza Hossein Borr

Nothing happens in your favour until you make it happen. If something happened and you have not made it happen, it wouldn't be what you like to happen. Life is just like that. If you have in your life what you have made happen in your life, you have a great life. If what you have in life you have not made happen in your life, then your life is what you have not made. If you have not made your life, then your life is made by others. And when others make your life, they make it the way they want, not the way you want.

Today everybody wants to take away what you have. Everybody wants to manipulate your life on their own favor. You have to make your life and protect your life like never before. Today there are a lot of people who will want everything to happen their way and therefore, they want to change the direction of other people's lives in a way that can benefit them. In such circumstances, the principle of make it happen, whatever you want to have in life, becomes of significant importance. You are not a stone. Protect yourself. You have the power and the choice to prevent others from breaking you into pieces. You are not a tree. You have choices. You have the power and the choice to prevent others from cutting you down. Even if you are an ocean people can make you dirty. Even if you are air, people can make you polluted. You are a human being and you can choose how to be, what to become and what to have. To have or not to have, this is within your power. The power of making it happen will make you have everything you want.

Making it happen is related to the art of accumulation. Life is now; and every minute that you make something happen, you add something in your life and overtime you will see that you have accumulated a lot of things that make your life full and fulfilled. The more you make happen, the more you would have and less other people can intervene. Life is always about becoming or doing. Either you are in the process of doing something or becoming something. Your choice makes the difference. The process of becoming continues whether you want it or not. The process of doing also continues whether you want it or not. Out of your life, in the universe, there are thousands of things waiting for you.

Everything is in motion. Everything is moving towards something. What is moving towards you? All people are getting attracted in certain people. What kind of people is attracted to you? Things are happening all the time. What happens to you? What has happened to you? What will happen to you? What would you like to happen to you? What would you like not to happen to you? No good things will happen to you unless you make them happen.

Remember that nothing comes to you unless you make them come to you.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

How to turn the past into an asset?

Reza Hossein Borr

The past is what you make of it. If you make it a liability, it becomes a liability. If you make it an asset, it becomes an asset. It is all up to you. You can decide the past even if it is past. Past is about the events that have happened. What you make of the events is up to you. The events do not have any meaning. You give them meaning. The meaning you give them determines the quality of your life in the past. Your past is the source of forming your future. If you want to build your future, reconstruct your past now. Past is always about the reconstruction of the events that have happened. You are the product of those constructions.

There is a strong inclination in everybody to construct the past as a liability. This is how your past spoils your future. If you use your past as an asset, whatever has happened in your life, finds a positive and productive role in your future. It turns every event into something which becomes the source of inspiration. The past is your greatest university. You can look into it and learn what you want to know about the future. Every event that has happened is a teacher; only if you have the capability to learn. Your past shows how much you have learnt. If you are very different from five years ago it means you have learnt a lot. If you are the same as you were five years ago, it means you have learnt nothing. Learning is about going forward and achieving more as you learn more.

Most of people who are sick and unhappy have made the past a source of sickness and unhappiness. Sorrow and sickness do not come from outside you. They come from within you when you don't know what make of something that happens and you don't like it. They are the results of events that you could not make the best of them. How come there was one event which made you sick but made somebody else happy? It is all about turning the event into a tragedy or into an opportunity. You can find opportunity in every event. An event does not offer you any opportunity; it is you who can turn the event into an opportunity and use the opportunity for making something positive for yourself and for others.

As a human being you have emotions like everybody else. There are thousands of different emotions. Every event generates some emotions. These emotions affect your body. The way they affect your body makes you sick or happy. The event is not within your control. Your emotions are. Even when you have negative emotions you can turn them into positive emotions. Emotions are changeable. When you change your emotions about an event, the event changes completely. That is the reason that whenever you recall an event several times, each time you recall it differently; it depends all about how you feel at the time that you recall the event. Your present emotional state can change the emotions of the past.

The happy people use their past as an asset. They turn it into a treasure that gives them unlimited income and benefits. Your past is within your control. Make your past what you want. Make it what can make your present pleasant and future promising.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email:www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

A Life coach has the roadmap to success

Reza Hossein Borr

I am now 62 years old. I am a successful person by all means. But when I look at what I have achieved I can see some people somehow guiding me to those achievements. When I look at my failures, I can see that I didn't know how to do them and there wasn't any body to guide me to avoid failures. I am sure now that I went thru a lot of difficulties in my life and if I knew what to know and what to do, my life should have been much easier now.

Life coaching is a quest for improving life through accepting the guidance of some one you trust. Other people see us differently from the way we see ourselves. We need a life coach to see us as other people see us and tell us how we are seen by other people. What we see in others we cannot see in ourselves. We want a life coach to know how we see other people and how we should see them. When people listen to us they hear what we would do not say. We need a life coach to listen to us when we speak and tell us what is it that we are not saying.

When people look at us they see what we are not. We need a life coach to look at us and tell us why people do not see in us what we really are. To other people we are not what we think we are. We want to have a life coach to tell us what other people think of us and why they think of us as they think of us. If somebody likes us, she sees in us what she likes and if somebody hates us he sees in us what he hates. We are different from what people think of us. We need a life coach to understand our thoughts and tell us how our thoughts affect ourselves and others. People make their opinion of us according to their own opinions. We want a life coach to tell us how our opinions affect the opinions of others and how our opinions alienate others from us. Nobody tells us how she sees us. We need a life coach to guide us in making a life we desire. Nobody tells us what they think of us. We need a life coach that can tell us how wonderful we are when we are really wonderful and how stupid we are when we really become stupid.

Since we cannot take any criticism even if it comes from very close friends and relatives, we need a life coach to observe our behaviours and give us feedback. If somebody is ready to have feedback in a very constructive way, it is time for her to have a life coach.

We need a life coach to tell us what she thinks of us, what other people think of us and how we need to behave to please ourselves without hurting others. We have not learnt to think of ourselves. We have learned to think of others. We have not learnt to give ourselves feedback about ourselves but we have learned to give other people the feedback they do not want to hear. Since we do not reflect on ourselves and since we do not want unwanted feedback, we need a life coach to think of our best interests and give us the feedback we need to move towards our desired outcomes.

After finishing a seminar, one of my students approached me in the closing session and asked me how did I like criticism? I said, "I love criticism if it comes from me." Everybody laughed. And then I started criticising some of the students who had been in my seminar. Few days after the end of the seminar as I reflected on the whole thing I realised that if I was capable of accepting criticism and feedback from my students, I was likely to learn from them and improve my seminars for the next times. But I did not like to hear criticism especially from my students. That was the reason that I repeated some of the mistakes in the seminars that followed.
The most successful people are those who are more receptive to feedback. Hearing criticism is painful but its long-lasting fruits are very sweet.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, blaming and low expectations

Blamers, blaming and low expectations
Reza Hossein Borr

Blamers usually have low expectations in life as they believe they would not be able to fulfil high expectations. The reality of their lives also proves that. Even if in certain occasions they go for high expectations theycannot achieve the high expectations because of their bad attitude and shortage of determination and skills. They do not expect themselves to have high expectations. They also do not expect other people around them to have high expectations; that is possibly the reason that most of the members of one family with low expectations usually remain poor as a result of having low expectations in life.

Those people go for high expectations that do not blame others for achieving or not achieving what to expect. The culture of blaming usually keeps people very limited in their aspirations and desires for life. They think that what they have is what they are supposed to have. The blamers do not do the kind of things that successful people usually go for. They think what they deserve is what they have and if they go for what they did not deserve then they would not get it.

Blamers believe that they deserve less than others. They always can find some excuses for themselves to have less expectation and they can always find some excuses for others to have more expectations. A person does not get more than what he expects. The blamers gets even less. The way a human being processes expectations in his mind, determines the way he deals with the world and classify his place in the hierarchy of expectations. The high flyers usually place their ambitions at the top of hierarchy of expectations and blamers usually place their ambitions at the bottom of the hierarchy of expectations.

Blamers cannot become ambitious people with high expectations. They are usually contended people that try to blame others for wanting more and becoming ambitious. They see a lot of dangers in ambition. They are also aware that ambitious people must work very hard. This is something that they cannot do. Working very hard and taking risks are not part of their characteristics. They cherish small-mindedness and attribute their disabilities to others. They believe if they cannot do something nobody can do that. These kinds of blamers become very jealous people. They do backbiting at large-scale.

The blamers undermine those who have achieved great goals and enjoy degrading high achievers.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com http://www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, blaming and truth

Reza Hossein Borr

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere. Blaming is like a kettle; it boils you and somebody else but you cannot make a cup of tea out of it.

The unbelievable thing and horrible fact is that a strong blamer considers himself the owner of the truth and expresses the truth as if it has been happened the way he understands. An event happens and the blamer considers himself as the only one who knows the truth and monopolises the interpretation of the event. When the person who is the target of blaming protests against the barrage of blaming, the blamer gets upset seriously and accuses the blamed of stupidity, ignorance and infidelity.

When one person monopolises the interpretation of the truth of one particular issue, event or a chain of events and others refuse to acknowledge that, it becomes very difficult to convince him that he has no the right of abusing and blaming others. But since they cannot understand the perspectives of other people and how other people experience same issue or event, they continue to blame others for lack of understanding or not understanding the same issue as they understand it. Understanding different things differently is the core difference of human perception. The blamers do not understand that each person perceives the same issue quite different from all other people. The blamers one-dimensional understanding makes them feel they are the owner of the truth.

If the person is strong and loud enough to intimidate others in accepting that he knows the truth and the whole truth, he enjoys a kind of immunity from criticism. These scared blamers get out of control and pose serious dangers to themselves and everybody that has been the target of their blaming. Fanatics of different kinds are from these kinds of blamers. They blame others for not being like them and they even go to physically eliminate them.

Once these kinds of blamers realise the truth they can change. In this case, the blamers must be directed to go through the experiences of other people. They must identify with the people they blame. I have seen some blamers who became very sorry after feeling pain other people have felt because of the hurt they have felt for being blamed harshly. Blamers like all other people need help and support. The most important thing that they have to learn is to realise how other people get hurt when they are the target of their blaming. Blaming brings blaming and therefore a game of mutual blaming can undermine the well-being of both blamers.

Since the blamers do not accept any explanation they feed very hard to change. Changing for them is the most difficult thing in the world. Most of the blamers have already convinced themselves that they cannot change. They also have reached this conclusion that those whom they blame also cannot change but they continue to blame them. By blaming they cannot change anybody. Blaming gives them a kind of satisfaction that must come in fact from achieving something. All people need fulfilment on a daily basis to convince themselves that their life is worthwhile. Important thing is that the fulfilment must come from achieving something worthwhile. Place yourself in the shoes of those whom you blame and then you feel how blame is hurting others.

Blame others for what you cannot do and you would never do anything worthwhile.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, blaming and sense of fear

Reza Hossein Borr

Blamers are usually the kind of people who want to avoid fear. Fear is a very devastating element for them. To avoid experiencing fear, they began to transfer the feeling of fear to others. Instead of being scared, they begin to scare others. Scaring others will come with different forms of abuse and even in forms of physical punishment. When the blamers blame somebody they want to scare them of the consequences of an action that possibly they have not made. The imagined consequences may be as horrible as they think or much less. They usually exaggerate about the scale and the scope of the fear that may be created. One important thing that must be understood about the blamers and blaming is the element of exaggeration in the way they feel and in the way they express their feelings.

In most circumstances when there is a fault or wrongdoing, the level of fear is not in proportion with the negativity of the faulty action. The blamers usually exaggerate about the action and fears that are involved in the whole thing. Fear of being severely punished gives them sufficient excuse to verbally or physically attack somebody who was supposed to be blamed. The blamers do not stop with only blaming but express uncontrollable anger. Fear is an emotion that requires several sides. If all sides are among the blamers, a new issue can get out of hand and will turn into physical or violent attacks.

Fear of the consequences stops the blamers from looking for a reasonable solution. As problem solving is not usually in the forefront of the blamer’s mind they do not sit calmly and analyse the situation in a reflective way that can result in constructing solution. If the blamers adapt an attitude of finding solutions for the problems that usually generate blaming, the process of perceiving an issue ends the anger and blaming will change completely. The fear of the consequences for the blamer can turn the person into a problem creator than a problems solver. The people, who have learnt to resolve problems through various different strategies, may use blaming as a form of revenge but they are capable of discovering reasonable solutions.

Nobody likes fear. Nobody likes to be scared. The person, who is supposed to be scared because of his faulty behaviour, wants to strike first before the other side begins to abuse him. This is the fear of being abused that usually causes the blamers to abuse others. The blaming is a defensive action and abusing is an aggressive action. Blaming and abusing go together to knock down the blamed completely. It is use of force in a mental and psychological manner. Sometimes blaming gets very ugly and the blamers use the element of fear to intimidate the other side in a way that she accepts the responsibility for what she has not done. If the blamer is strong physically and psychologically, he can exert devastating blow to the victim.

The objective of the blamer from creating fear is to cause submission and obedience. People usually do not surrender easily. When the blamers face resistance they become more aggressive and more abusive but continue to find new ways of blaming the other side by exploiting various intimidation techniques. If the blamed is far away and too powerful to physically hurt, the blamers uses blaming as a tool of relief and satisfaction and passes the responsibility to a very strong element and then depicts himself as not being capable of doing anything. For example, they say that America is too strong. We cannot do anything about its bad behaviour. At the same time we cannot accept to submit and surrender. These blamers usually turn into moaners and groaners and project themselves as helpless and powerless that cannot do anything.

Moaners and groaners worry too much but achieve too little. Blamers stop themselves from succeeding by dissolving their talents.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Personality types of blamers and blaming

Reza Hossein Borr

It must be acknowledged that playing the game of blaming is a universal issue. All people blaming each other for different things. In fact there is no anybody who has not blamed somebody in his life. Even those personality types that are not placed in blamer’s category have blamed many people for different things but blaming is not their dominant quality. They may blame others purposefully to achieve certain points but they do not blame others because of their own failures.

There are two kinds of blamers: those who do it deliberately in order to discredit somebody for a fault which may be his or not. These blamers are game players. They gain from blaming others. These are mostly in party politics when the leaders of different parties blame each other for different things even when they are not at fault. These are not losers. These are usually successful people who want to blame others and magnify their own achievements. The objective of blaming others is to show that the person cannot do things as well as they can do them. Party leaders always claim they can do things better than their rivals. They blame their rivals for being incompetent and even crooked. These kinds of blaming are political trading.

Those blamers who are losers are from a different kind and type. Blaming is part of their personality type. They do not gain any major things from blaming others. They cover their inadequacies. When somebody is inadequate in doing something he wants to cover it by blaming others. These blamers blame their friends, their families, their colleagues, their children, their parents and those who are close to them. They are not part of an organised setup. They blame others because they do not know how to respond to faulty situation. They indicate bad attitude because they are pessimists. They believe that those who managed to succeed did not succeed because of their own competence and skills but because of the help and support they have received from other sources illegally and immorally.

They always believe that there is a conspiracy against them and therefore their time is wasted in finding out how to discover the conspiracy against them and always can come with an acceptable conclusion for themselves. I have seen a lot of blamers. I know blamers who believe that everybody who has failed, failed not because of himself and his lack of skills or determination but because a lot of people caused his downfall. She believes that if somebody has succeeded, the success came not because of his competence but, because of his association with certain sources. She believes if somebody has become rich it is because he has stolen from the ordinary people. She thinks if her son failed to enter a university it was not because of the lack of sufficient knowledge but because the university officials turned them down just because they didn't like them. She always blames the successful ones for succeeding and she always supports failures because she thinks other people have caused their failures. There is a lot of cause for concern for her. She needs help and therapy and she needs to be guided through in life to reach a new understanding.

The most important thing for these kinds of blamers to understand is that it is possible to succeed without anybody's help. They need to understand that those who have succeeded in life have used a lot of energy and time in preparing different requirements of success. Success is for everybody who wants to have it. Success does not discriminate. Success is the product of achievements and when somebody manages to accomplish great things, he manages to succeed too. Blamers use blaming to fail themselves. Other people can stop you from succeeding but nobody can stop you from failing.


Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, Blaming and success

Reza Hossein Borr

Most of the blamers are those people who have not succeeded to the appropriate level that they wish. They are mostly wishful thinkers that cannot transform the wish into well-formed-outcomes and goals and therefore, they hardly know what to do and if they know what to do, they hardly have the appropriate level of skills. Blamers have great imaginations. They can easily figure out the way of turning the facts and distorting the realities in a way that salvages their character or reputation. They believed if they accept the responsibility instead of blaming others or even blaming themselves, they will be dramatically undermined and degraded. They just cannot take the pain of degradation. They see a great level of relief in blaming others.

The way they perceive the mistakes or faults is either to blame themselves or to blame others. They have only two options. Instead of blaming themselves, they find it easier to blame others. If they learnt that there is another option and it is not blaming anybody but accepting the responsibility for correcting the situation and learning the skills, they would begin a new path in their life.

The reason that the blamers do not succeed as well as the ones who take the responsibilities is in the fact that they expect success without any failure, without any fault and without any mistake. They just can't bear the guilt of not being able to do things correctly. Blamers think that success comes very easily and without any failure. The history of all successful people indicates that they do a lot of mistakes before they get it right and succeed. The successful people take the blame gracefully and begin to find a way for avoiding it next time when they are blamed for their failures. The blamers think differently. They look for everybody who have been somehow involved or could have been involved in a scenario. If they can find somebody who had some involvement in the faulty action they immediately begin to blame that person. If they cannot find somebody easily to blame for their wrongdoing then they blame their parents, the circumstances, the governments, the systems and even bad luck.

If the blamers wish to succeed in anything they have to accept responsibility for whatever they do and what has happened in their lives and avoid blaming others. Blaming circumstances or parents would not resolve the problems of the blamers, in fact, it will increase their problems. Some of the blamers who have institutionalised blaming others have taken an attitude of transferring the blame for their own faults even when they get old. As they get older they increase the number of blaming others. If you sit down and talk with an old blamer you will realise that he has accumulated thousands of excuses for not being able to succeed and he has found hundreds of people to blame for his own failures.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blaming and Blamers

Reza Hossein Borr

Blaming is to pass responsibility of the faults and mistakes to others. Accepting the fact that the person is responsible for a mistake or a fault requires enormous courage. At the same time it requires punishment. If you accept that you have done a mistake you have to accept that you must be punished for it. Although the fault may not be a criminal act yet taking responsibility for even a small mistake means that you do not know how to do things and therefore, you have to learn how to do them.

It is not easy for people to accept that they don't know how to do things and therefore they do not blame their ignorance but they blame others while they may be possibly completely innocent. At the same time when a person transfers the blame to other people, he reduces the scale of guilt that must be felt after any mistake or fault.

Blaming usually starts from childhood. These are the children who blame each other for different mistakes they do. The reason is quite clear. The children do not know how to do things and therefore when they do something wrongly they will be immediately the target of punishment. The more a child is the target of punishment for committing mistakes the more the person will deny doing any mistake and therefore when a mistake is done it is imperative that somebody has done it but who has done it, that is the big question. The blame game starts here. The children begin to blame each other because they are scared or they do not know how to handle it. When a lot of them played the blame game nobody knows who has done the mistake. The person who is responsible for correcting a mistake will be confused and would avoid punishing all. This is the beginning of feeling immune collectively.

As the children grow they are supposed to be trained to learn different ways of doing things. As they learn more skills for doing things, they reduce the number of blames. But if the children do not learn the skills of doing different things, they continue to blame others for their mistakes. There are many adults that use blaming as a way of protecting themselves. The problem with the adults is that they may not learn sufficient skills for accomplishing different tasks. Our daily experiences show that the adults who have learnt fewer skills than the rest will continue to blame others. If you compare two different kinds of people, one that accepts responsibility and one that does not accept responsibility and blames others, you would know very clearly that the one that accepts responsibilities is the kind of person who is ready to learn from his mistakes and learn more skills to avoid the same mistake or other mistakes in future. But the person who blames others is usually a person who is very slow in learning or in fact very reluctant to learn new skills. They hardly read books. They hardly seek advice and they hardly go forward and say, "Yes, it was my fault and I am going to redress it."

Reliable researchers show that some adults will stay in the state mind of a child even when they get old. All of us would retain some of our childhood qualities but some of us retain more of these qualities and therefore, our behaviour looks childish in certain areas of life. Blamers blame others because they think like children even if they are adults. That part of their brain that needs accepting responsibility does not grow and therefore, these people will react like children when it comes to wrongdoings. Instead of developing the skills of coping with mistakes and correcting them, the blamers blame others just because they cannot cope with the scope of blame they would receive when they accept responsibility for any wrongdoing.

In many cases, the blamers are not aware that they are blaming others; because this has become a habit and compulsory reaction to encounters that may be considered aggressive. To reduce the level of blaming means to reduce the level of aggressive encounter. Blamers are usually good people that think they have been victimised and therefore, the person or the elements that have victimised them, must take the responsibility for their blaming attitude.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

A Life coach has the roadmap to success

Reza Hossein Borr
I am now 62 years old. I am a successful person by all means. But when I look at what I have achieved I can see some people somehow guiding me to those achievements. When I look at my failures, I can see that I didn't know how to do them and there wasn't any body to guide me to avoid failures. I am sure now that I went through a lot of difficulties in my life and if I knew what to know and what to do, my life should have been much easier now.

Life coaching is a quest for improving life through accepting the guidance of some one you trust. Other people see us differently from the way we see ourselves. We need a life coach to see us as other people see us and tell us how we are seen by other people. What we see in others we cannot see in ourselves. We want a life coach to know how we see other people and how we should see them. When people listen to us they hear what we would do not say. We need a life coach to listen to us when we speak and tell us what is it that we are not saying.

When people look at us they see what we are not. We need a life coach to look at us and tell us why people do not see in us what we really are. To other people we are not what we think we are. We want to have a life coach to tell us what other people think of us and why they think of us as they think of us. If somebody likes us, she sees in us what she likes and if somebody hates us he sees in us what he hates. We are different from what people think of us. We need a life coach to understand our thoughts and tell us how our thoughts affect ourselves and others. People make their opinion of us according to their own opinions. We want a life coach to tell us how our opinions affect the opinions of others and how our opinions alienate others from us. Nobody tells us how she sees us. We need a life coach to guide us in making a life we desire. Nobody tells us what they think of us. We need a life coach that can tell us how wonderful we are when we are really wonderful and how stupid we are when we really become stupid.

Since we cannot take any criticism even if it comes from very close friends and relatives, we need a life coach to observe our behaviours and give us feedback. If somebody is ready to have feedback in a very constructive way, it is time for her to have a life coach.

We need a life coach to tell us what she thinks of us, what other people think of us and how we need to behave to please ourselves without hurting others. We have not learnt to think of ourselves. We have learned to think of others. We have not learnt to give ourselves feedback about ourselves but we have learned to give other people the feedback they do not want to hear. Since we do not reflect on ourselves and since we do not want unwanted feedback, we need a life coach to think of our best interests and give us the feedback we need to move towards our desired outcomes.

After finishing a seminar, one of my students approached me in the closing session and asked me how did I like criticism? I said, "I love criticism if it comes from me." Everybody laughed. And then I started criticising some of the students who had been in my seminar. Few days after the end of the seminar as I reflected on the whole thing I realised that if I was capable of accepting criticism and feedback from my students, I was likely to learn from them and improve my seminars for the next times. But I did not like to hear criticism especially from my students. That was the reason that I repeated some of the mistakes in the seminars that followed.
The most successful people are those who are more receptive to feedback. Hearing criticism is painful but its long-lasting fruits are very sweet.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com