Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere. Blaming is like a kettle; it boils you and somebody else but you cannot make a cup of tea out of it.
The unbelievable thing and horrible fact is that a strong blamer considers himself the owner of the truth and expresses the truth as if it has been happened the way he understands. An event happens and the blamer considers himself as the only one who knows the truth and monopolises the interpretation of the event. When the person who is the target of blaming protests against the barrage of blaming, the blamer gets upset seriously and accuses the blamed of stupidity, ignorance and infidelity.
When one person monopolises the interpretation of the truth of one particular issue, event or a chain of events and others refuse to acknowledge that, it becomes very difficult to convince him that he has no the right of abusing and blaming others. But since they cannot understand the perspectives of other people and how other people experience same issue or event, they continue to blame others for lack of understanding or not understanding the same issue as they understand it. Understanding different things differently is the core difference of human perception. The blamers do not understand that each person perceives the same issue quite different from all other people. The blamers one-dimensional understanding makes them feel they are the owner of the truth.
If the person is strong and loud enough to intimidate others in accepting that he knows the truth and the whole truth, he enjoys a kind of immunity from criticism. These scared blamers get out of control and pose serious dangers to themselves and everybody that has been the target of their blaming. Fanatics of different kinds are from these kinds of blamers. They blame others for not being like them and they even go to physically eliminate them.
Once these kinds of blamers realise the truth they can change. In this case, the blamers must be directed to go through the experiences of other people. They must identify with the people they blame. I have seen some blamers who became very sorry after feeling pain other people have felt because of the hurt they have felt for being blamed harshly. Blamers like all other people need help and support. The most important thing that they have to learn is to realise how other people get hurt when they are the target of their blaming. Blaming brings blaming and therefore a game of mutual blaming can undermine the well-being of both blamers.
Since the blamers do not accept any explanation they feed very hard to change. Changing for them is the most difficult thing in the world. Most of the blamers have already convinced themselves that they cannot change. They also have reached this conclusion that those whom they blame also cannot change but they continue to blame them. By blaming they cannot change anybody. Blaming gives them a kind of satisfaction that must come in fact from achieving something. All people need fulfilment on a daily basis to convince themselves that their life is worthwhile. Important thing is that the fulfilment must come from achieving something worthwhile. Place yourself in the shoes of those whom you blame and then you feel how blame is hurting others.
Blame others for what you cannot do and you would never do anything worthwhile.
Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com
No comments:
Post a Comment