The goal of coaching, Generating alternatives, 4

Generating alternatives, part 4

Reza Hossein Borr

If I do not do this, what can I do? If I do not like this behaviour, what behaviour I must have? If I do not like my job, what kind of job I would like?

If I do not like my car, what do I like? If I do not like, what do I like? I defined the goal of coaching as triggering thinking creatively to generate alternatives, yes alternatives.

There is an alternative to everything. There are in fact alternatives to all the present states, situations, behaviours, beliefs, thoughts, and possessions. Whatever you have and whatever you do and hope that you have done, there are many alternatives to them. Life becomes very simple if you think of alternatives. Life becomes extremely difficult if you do not think of alternatives and think that you cannot have anything different. Think for ways of alternatives. But don't fix something which is not broken as the Americans used to say. If something is working well just keep it. But always think of alternatives.

Ask yourself what will happen if I have a new alternative to the present state or behaviour or belief? Ask yourself what will happen if I have a new job? What will happen if I have a new home? What will happen if I can move to new city? What will happen if I have new friends? What will happen if I have different ideas? What will happen if I speak differently? What will happen if I think differently? There are always better and more effective alternatives.

When there are better and more effective alternatives why we should not go for them? Always think of alternatives. The people who thought of alternatives have created all those things that we have. The people who have not thought of alternatives have not changed anything. We need to change and therefore, alternatives must be always thought of, discussed and even evaluated and encouraged to happen.

When you coach somebody, you trigger in her a sense of looking for alternatives. People get stack because they do not think of alternatives and think that there is no alternative. People get sick because they think there is no any alternative state. If you want to make permanent changes in somebody, change his attitude from being stack to finding alternatives. Once a person accepted and acknowledged that there are alternatives he can raise the question of what alternative will best suit me in the present situation. Finding alternatives is giving people hope that they can see a better future.

People usually do not think about alternatives unless external or internal forces force them in so doing. They usually accept what comes on their way and move on as if that is the only choice. Nothing is the only choice. Every choice has other choices. Every choice has an alternative. In fact there is no alternative to anything unless you have to ask the question. People usually do not ask questions from themselves. They ask questions from others, and the greatest question that anybody can and must ask himself is: what is the alternative? Alternative to whatever I think, alternatives to whatever I say, alternative to whatever I feel, and alternative to whatever I do and alternative to whatever I have. If you have the courage to ask yourself these questions, initially you will begin a great sense of curiosity which is accompanied by uncertainty and also by turbulence in your life. People love stability and security and asking questions about alternatives tarnishes, reduces or even erodes the level of stability and security they have.

A coach, a mentor and a master must generate a state within a person in which she accepts to be questioned vigorously. He also must willingly accept to answer questions vigorously. A lot of solutions will come out when the questions are asked and when the answers are given. A lot of new inventions come up. A lot of new ideas would be produced. A lot of behaviours will change. A lot of efforts will follow. A lot of energy would be released.

One of the best skills of the coach is to create an environment in which responding becomes easy and systematic. Since answers will reveal a lot of secrets and possibly sad events of the past, a coach and a mentor must have the ability to create a comfortable environment in which recalling of the sad news and sad events of the past will bring in new solutions, not only to the same sad event but how in the future that the person will be equipped with the necessary skills for undesirable events of the future.

We make our future by what we already have and what we have already done and what we can do now. Making a good future will not be possible if the right alternatives are not created now. Find the right alternatives, apply them and when you reached the desired outcomes, think of how you can improve them even further. We must never stop looking for being better, looking better, having more, and the great secret is to start NOW.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

What is the goal of coaching?

Thinking creatively, Part 3
Reza Hossein Borr

I defined the goal of coaching as triggering thinking creatively to generate alternatives. I described triggering and thinking from the point of view of coaching when a life coach or an executive coach intends to help another person.

Since the other people come to you when they cannot find the solutions themselves, it is your responsibility as a coach to trigger in them a process of thinking creatively to find a solution. You are not supposed to provide them with a solution although you may suggest solutions and ways of getting out of block using the examples of other people. Examples of other people are usually called story telling and I have written several articles about how to tell a story effectively to create change. Since the intention is to find solutions, the main source of finding a solution is creativity. Those people, who are more creative and know the art of thinking creatively and have the experience and knowledge of creating new ideas and you solutions, can easily and quickly generate dozens of different ideas and process them to find out which one can be the best solutions and alternatives to the present stumbling block.

Remember that there must be a very specific stumbling block that you have to do generate an alternative that can serve your interests better than the present one. Thinking creatively can be easy for those whose left sphere of brain has been more active and more difficult for those whose right sphere of brain is less active. People are usually classified as having a more proactive left brain or right brain. The people with more active right brain have more capacity for creativity; however, they need the necessary training for learning the art of creating solutions. Organising the work of brain and shaping the ideas that it produces is a major task that has to be mastered by everybody in order to stop the random wanderings of the brain which will not bring any tangible idea or product.

NLP offers the coaches with an amazing strategy for becoming creative. The wandering in the open air and looking up at the right side can bring hundreds of new ideas. You can walk leisurely in a park or anywhere else for the purpose of creating ideas. Here your purpose and outcome must be very clear. You must walk to create new solutions. Before beginning to walk, you set an outcome and guide your brain for producing solutions and ideas. Once the goal is set, walk with your head up, looking towards right side without endangering yourself of falling down. Keep a pen and paper and write different ideas that may come to your mind. The looking up and down will change your state and allow radon ideas to come to your mind. This procedure is for when you have already identified the problem and seek a solution. If there is no the possibility of walking in open air then seat or stand in the comfort of your home or office, looking up and at the right in a very relaxed manner and allowing comfortable sensations to move in your body and allow your brain to generate intended outcomes.

When you are dealing face-to-face with other people, off course, you can not walk in a park but you still have the choice of looking up towards the right side to trigger the action in that part of your brain that generates new ideas. This must be done very delicately without disturbing other people.

When you repeat this technique regularly you will be in a position to produce and generate hundreds of solutions and apply them before the problem happens. My philosophy has been always something like that: find the solutions and apply them before the problem happens and if the problems happen, find solutions not only to resolve the problem now but prevents the future problems from happening.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Team building and common interests

Reza Hossein Borr

You can only succeed in building a team when you can bring the contrasting interests and turn them into common achievable interests. If the members of a potential team find out that their interests will not be achieved when the mission is accomplished, they will not give sufficient input into the functioning of the team. It is even likely that they may obstruct the smooth functioning of the team as well. It must be mentioned that the preservation of interests becomes more important than collective achievement if the collective achievement does not guarantee the preservation of individual interests.

When few people are chosen to work as team to accomplish a mission, the question of the individual interests must be somehow addressed before they begin working as the team. They must be assured that their interests will be understood and recognized by the leader and appropriately rewarded after achieving the task. Nobody would be engaged in any kind of activity without knowing that his fair share in action would be acknowledged and recognized. When few people work in an organization it may be considered that the salary they receive at the end would be considered as the reward. This is an illusion. In addition to salary, people need specific rewards for achieving specific objectives. The rewards maybe the recognition of their endeavours or some financial gift.

Nobody knows exactly what kind of rewards and interests each individual may request. The best way is to talk to them individually and discover what kind of reward motivates them to go for the collective achievement. Individual achievements are usually recognized. The collective achievements are not recognized in the way that members of a team feel satisfaction. The art of finding what kind of reward satisfies each individual is the responsibility of the team builder. The team builder can achieve this goal by asking a series of questions about how the achievement of the task collectively can satisfy that individual need. What may motivate one person may not motivate another person.

Recognition of individual interests is the most important step in facilitating team functioning. Once I was talking to a client. Whenever my statement about an issue was raised, he asked me this question, "what is there in it for me?" I tried to define the issue from various aspects, but each time he asked me the same question, "What is there in it for me?" This was the first time that my attention was drawn to focus on the interests of other people when it comes to any kind of negotiations with them. If there is something in what we do for them they will participate. If there is nothing indeed for them, whatever we do and say, will not affect them.

If we want the cooperation of others in achieving something we have to make clear for them what will be their reward.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Give meaning to your conversation

Reza Hossein Borr

I have a friend who speaks 10 languages but yet he doesn't know how to speak. You may know many languages. You may know many words. You may know many jargons. But if you do not know how speak you cannot give meaning to your conversation. People get affected by what you say. Speaking is very expensive. When you speak people evaluate you and give you a price. This is how they decide about your worth. What your worth is in the eyes of the people is the price they give you when you speak. What you have, you have for yourself. The worth that the other people give you is more than any of other property.

Your worth is decided by what you say and how you say it. Even if you have billions of dollars, your worth is not more than what you are priced after a conversation. This is how you are known to people and how they make you known to people they know. Your worth will be more valuable if you do what you say. What you say has a price, what you do confirm the impression you have given in the conversation. The worth of speaking well is the worth of job or respect you receive.

I have seen a lot of people who don't seem impressive before they speak. Once they speak you can evaluate their impressiveness. Once I saw of a handsome tall gentleman. His presence created a lot of respect in me. As soon as he began speaking he reduced his respect in me. I saw another small fellow who was poorly dressed. The way he was dressed made me disregard him. Once he began to speak, he corrected me and changed the view of all the audience about himself.

What I saw in these people was the scale and level of meaning that they gave to their speaking. They created new ideas that appealed to the audience. The way they said the message was appealing to many and more important than all, they refused to talk when there was no anymore a meaningful message. It is not very important to talk for one hour and say nothing but talk for two minutes and give a lot of meaningful ideas. The impression is not only created by the meaningfulness of the message but by the state which it is carried out. Billions of people speak every single day but there are only a few great speakers. Great speakers know how to use the tone of voice and body language and emotions to transfer not only meaning but also emotions to other people. It is emotions that you create in other people that create your impression on them. A conversation is about exchange of emotions. If the emotions you exchange with others generate fine and meaningful emotions, you will create the kind of strength in others that may change a lot of hearts and minds.

There is no any point in saying anything which does not have a meaningful purpose. With each conversation you can create a state which will last long after you go. You will be cherished by what you said. Your image is built with your sayings. What people think of you is what you have told them. If you do not like what people tell about you change what you tell people about people. What you say about people is what they say about you. If you don't like what people say about you change what you say about people. Say about people what they like and they will say about you what you like.

Keep silent when you do not have a meaningful thing to say. Your silence does not expose your ignorance. Keep quiet when you do not have a nice thing to say about others

Only the great speakers know when to be quite. They know the value of speaking; they also know the worth of silence. Sometimes their silence gives more meaning than when they speak.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Principles of highly successful people

Reza Hossein Borr

The people who succeed follow some principles all the time. These principles shine like lights wherever they go and whatever they do. There is no deviation. There is no shortcut. There is the strait way. The principles set the direction whenever they want to go to their destination. Observing these principles keep them focused on the mission and prevents unnecessary interruptions. Interruptions are bound to happen in the life of everybody but those who are principled enough can always come back to where they were before they were interrupted.

The most of principles of highly successful people are usually common among most of successful people. They may have different understanding of them but they all follow a variety of them.

1. All of them usually have a mission, a purpose, and an objective or what it is called in NLP well-formed outcomes. The purpose has been drawn from within their makeup and has sufficient energy source to motivate the person towards achieving it. I have never seen any successful person who did not have a very clear purpose. The purpose will be best defined if it goes thru the process of NLP well-formed goals and well-formed outcomes.

2. All of the successful people have the skills of achieving their mission and purpose or if they do not have the skills, they bring the people who have the skills. This is very important as anybody who has a mission or an objective must realise if he has the skills for accomplishing the task or not. They must make sure that. That is what makes the difference between success and failure. Knowing that you want it but whether you can do it or not, is the vital and fatal factor. Those who know that they do not have the skills of doing it usually bring the people who know how to do it.

3. All of successful people have the right mindset for that mission or objective. All of us know whether something is right for us to do or whether it can fit into your psychology of aspirations. The common people say that you can do it if you are made for it. Your mindset and your attitude are two factors that you have to know.

4. All of successful people are optimistic and they know that the sense of optimism will keep them going on for a long time. The pessimists usually give up very quickly or do not start at all. The sense of optimism enlightens your heart and organises your emotions to bring different resources for successful implementation.

5. All successful people do not give up at all or they know when to give up if they realise that is something that they cannot do. This is very important thing to realise when to give up and when to continue. I usually have an exercise in my seminars to find opportunities. I would say that I have put something somewhere in a room. I ask the students to go and find it with one glance. If they couldn't do it first time I give them more chances. I have realised that those who usually do not succeed are those who look for something where it is not there. I tell them that if you look for something where it is not there, you can look for it all your life and cannot find it. And I teach them to go where things are located. There is no big fish in small pounds. If you want to grow into a very big fish you have to go into a very big ocean.

6. All successful people have a sense of integrity. They know that they would lose whatever they have earned if they engage into fraud, illegal and illegitimate practices. We have seen a lot of people who have originally succeeded and then brought down in disgrace by the illegitimate practices.

7. All of successful people believe that they can do it. Belief in yourself is your guarantee towards different obstacles that you can face you in your life when you want to achieve something great. There are a lot of people who tell you can't do it and if you do not have sufficient self-belief you would abandoned your mission when you face challenges and difficulties.

People are different and therefore, their beliefs and principles are different too. The important point is that you can discover your own principles and use them as leverages for accomplishing tasks. Your principles will make you stand firm on the ground in spite of fatal hurricanes and flood.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, blaming and low expectations

Blamers, blaming and low expectations
Reza Hossein Borr

Blamers usually have low expectations in life as they believe they would not be able to fulfil high expectations. The reality of their lives also proves that. Even if in certain occasions they go for high expectations theycannot achieve the high expectations because of their bad attitude and shortage of determination and skills. They do not expect themselves to have high expectations. They also do not expect other people around them to have high expectations; that is possibly the reason that most of the members of one family with low expectations usually remain poor as a result of having low expectations in life.

Those people go for high expectations that do not blame others for achieving or not achieving what to expect. The culture of blaming usually keeps people very limited in their aspirations and desires for life. They think that what they have is what they are supposed to have. The blamers do not do the kind of things that successful people usually go for. They think what they deserve is what they have and if they go for what they did not deserve then they would not get it.

Blamers believe that they deserve less than others. They always can find some excuses for themselves to have less expectation and they can always find some excuses for others to have more expectations. A person does not get more than what he expects. The blamers gets even less. The way a human being processes expectations in his mind, determines the way he deals with the world and classify his place in the hierarchy of expectations. The high flyers usually place their ambitions at the top of hierarchy of expectations and blamers usually place their ambitions at the bottom of the hierarchy of expectations.

Blamers cannot become ambitious people with high expectations. They are usually contended people that try to blame others for wanting more and becoming ambitious. They see a lot of dangers in ambition. They are also aware that ambitious people must work very hard. This is something that they cannot do. Working very hard and taking risks are not part of their characteristics. They cherish small-mindedness and attribute their disabilities to others. They believe if they cannot do something nobody can do that. These kinds of blamers become very jealous people. They do backbiting at large-scale.

The blamers undermine those who have achieved great goals and enjoy degrading high achievers.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com http://www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, blaming and truth

Reza Hossein Borr

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere. Blaming is like a kettle; it boils you and somebody else but you cannot make a cup of tea out of it.

The unbelievable thing and horrible fact is that a strong blamer considers himself the owner of the truth and expresses the truth as if it has been happened the way he understands. An event happens and the blamer considers himself as the only one who knows the truth and monopolises the interpretation of the event. When the person who is the target of blaming protests against the barrage of blaming, the blamer gets upset seriously and accuses the blamed of stupidity, ignorance and infidelity.

When one person monopolises the interpretation of the truth of one particular issue, event or a chain of events and others refuse to acknowledge that, it becomes very difficult to convince him that he has no the right of abusing and blaming others. But since they cannot understand the perspectives of other people and how other people experience same issue or event, they continue to blame others for lack of understanding or not understanding the same issue as they understand it. Understanding different things differently is the core difference of human perception. The blamers do not understand that each person perceives the same issue quite different from all other people. The blamers one-dimensional understanding makes them feel they are the owner of the truth.

If the person is strong and loud enough to intimidate others in accepting that he knows the truth and the whole truth, he enjoys a kind of immunity from criticism. These scared blamers get out of control and pose serious dangers to themselves and everybody that has been the target of their blaming. Fanatics of different kinds are from these kinds of blamers. They blame others for not being like them and they even go to physically eliminate them.

Once these kinds of blamers realise the truth they can change. In this case, the blamers must be directed to go through the experiences of other people. They must identify with the people they blame. I have seen some blamers who became very sorry after feeling pain other people have felt because of the hurt they have felt for being blamed harshly. Blamers like all other people need help and support. The most important thing that they have to learn is to realise how other people get hurt when they are the target of their blaming. Blaming brings blaming and therefore a game of mutual blaming can undermine the well-being of both blamers.

Since the blamers do not accept any explanation they feed very hard to change. Changing for them is the most difficult thing in the world. Most of the blamers have already convinced themselves that they cannot change. They also have reached this conclusion that those whom they blame also cannot change but they continue to blame them. By blaming they cannot change anybody. Blaming gives them a kind of satisfaction that must come in fact from achieving something. All people need fulfilment on a daily basis to convince themselves that their life is worthwhile. Important thing is that the fulfilment must come from achieving something worthwhile. Place yourself in the shoes of those whom you blame and then you feel how blame is hurting others.

Blame others for what you cannot do and you would never do anything worthwhile.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blamers, blaming and sense of fear

Reza Hossein Borr

Blamers are usually the kind of people who want to avoid fear. Fear is a very devastating element for them. To avoid experiencing fear, they began to transfer the feeling of fear to others. Instead of being scared, they begin to scare others. Scaring others will come with different forms of abuse and even in forms of physical punishment. When the blamers blame somebody they want to scare them of the consequences of an action that possibly they have not made. The imagined consequences may be as horrible as they think or much less. They usually exaggerate about the scale and the scope of the fear that may be created. One important thing that must be understood about the blamers and blaming is the element of exaggeration in the way they feel and in the way they express their feelings.

In most circumstances when there is a fault or wrongdoing, the level of fear is not in proportion with the negativity of the faulty action. The blamers usually exaggerate about the action and fears that are involved in the whole thing. Fear of being severely punished gives them sufficient excuse to verbally or physically attack somebody who was supposed to be blamed. The blamers do not stop with only blaming but express uncontrollable anger. Fear is an emotion that requires several sides. If all sides are among the blamers, a new issue can get out of hand and will turn into physical or violent attacks.

Fear of the consequences stops the blamers from looking for a reasonable solution. As problem solving is not usually in the forefront of the blamer’s mind they do not sit calmly and analyse the situation in a reflective way that can result in constructing solution. If the blamers adapt an attitude of finding solutions for the problems that usually generate blaming, the process of perceiving an issue ends the anger and blaming will change completely. The fear of the consequences for the blamer can turn the person into a problem creator than a problems solver. The people, who have learnt to resolve problems through various different strategies, may use blaming as a form of revenge but they are capable of discovering reasonable solutions.

Nobody likes fear. Nobody likes to be scared. The person, who is supposed to be scared because of his faulty behaviour, wants to strike first before the other side begins to abuse him. This is the fear of being abused that usually causes the blamers to abuse others. The blaming is a defensive action and abusing is an aggressive action. Blaming and abusing go together to knock down the blamed completely. It is use of force in a mental and psychological manner. Sometimes blaming gets very ugly and the blamers use the element of fear to intimidate the other side in a way that she accepts the responsibility for what she has not done. If the blamer is strong physically and psychologically, he can exert devastating blow to the victim.

The objective of the blamer from creating fear is to cause submission and obedience. People usually do not surrender easily. When the blamers face resistance they become more aggressive and more abusive but continue to find new ways of blaming the other side by exploiting various intimidation techniques. If the blamed is far away and too powerful to physically hurt, the blamers uses blaming as a tool of relief and satisfaction and passes the responsibility to a very strong element and then depicts himself as not being capable of doing anything. For example, they say that America is too strong. We cannot do anything about its bad behaviour. At the same time we cannot accept to submit and surrender. These blamers usually turn into moaners and groaners and project themselves as helpless and powerless that cannot do anything.

Moaners and groaners worry too much but achieve too little. Blamers stop themselves from succeeding by dissolving their talents.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com

Blaming and Blamers

Reza Hossein Borr

Blaming is to pass responsibility of the faults and mistakes to others. Accepting the fact that the person is responsible for a mistake or a fault requires enormous courage. At the same time it requires punishment. If you accept that you have done a mistake you have to accept that you must be punished for it. Although the fault may not be a criminal act yet taking responsibility for even a small mistake means that you do not know how to do things and therefore, you have to learn how to do them.

It is not easy for people to accept that they don't know how to do things and therefore they do not blame their ignorance but they blame others while they may be possibly completely innocent. At the same time when a person transfers the blame to other people, he reduces the scale of guilt that must be felt after any mistake or fault.

Blaming usually starts from childhood. These are the children who blame each other for different mistakes they do. The reason is quite clear. The children do not know how to do things and therefore when they do something wrongly they will be immediately the target of punishment. The more a child is the target of punishment for committing mistakes the more the person will deny doing any mistake and therefore when a mistake is done it is imperative that somebody has done it but who has done it, that is the big question. The blame game starts here. The children begin to blame each other because they are scared or they do not know how to handle it. When a lot of them played the blame game nobody knows who has done the mistake. The person who is responsible for correcting a mistake will be confused and would avoid punishing all. This is the beginning of feeling immune collectively.

As the children grow they are supposed to be trained to learn different ways of doing things. As they learn more skills for doing things, they reduce the number of blames. But if the children do not learn the skills of doing different things, they continue to blame others for their mistakes. There are many adults that use blaming as a way of protecting themselves. The problem with the adults is that they may not learn sufficient skills for accomplishing different tasks. Our daily experiences show that the adults who have learnt fewer skills than the rest will continue to blame others. If you compare two different kinds of people, one that accepts responsibility and one that does not accept responsibility and blames others, you would know very clearly that the one that accepts responsibilities is the kind of person who is ready to learn from his mistakes and learn more skills to avoid the same mistake or other mistakes in future. But the person who blames others is usually a person who is very slow in learning or in fact very reluctant to learn new skills. They hardly read books. They hardly seek advice and they hardly go forward and say, "Yes, it was my fault and I am going to redress it."

Reliable researchers show that some adults will stay in the state mind of a child even when they get old. All of us would retain some of our childhood qualities but some of us retain more of these qualities and therefore, our behaviour looks childish in certain areas of life. Blamers blame others because they think like children even if they are adults. That part of their brain that needs accepting responsibility does not grow and therefore, these people will react like children when it comes to wrongdoings. Instead of developing the skills of coping with mistakes and correcting them, the blamers blame others just because they cannot cope with the scope of blame they would receive when they accept responsibility for any wrongdoing.

In many cases, the blamers are not aware that they are blaming others; because this has become a habit and compulsory reaction to encounters that may be considered aggressive. To reduce the level of blaming means to reduce the level of aggressive encounter. Blamers are usually good people that think they have been victimised and therefore, the person or the elements that have victimised them, must take the responsibility for their blaming attitude.

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: www.sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com